Monkswood Associates

Monkswood Associates Newsletter: September 2003
Habit Changing

Change of habits?
I was preparing runner beans for cooking and my husband suggested that I use the peeler rather than the knife for the first stage in the preparation process. Now my immediate reaction was to say ‘no thanks, this approach works fine’ and then I started to think about his suggestion! Now some people might recognise this response either in themselves or other people! What followed was that I thought about why my immediate reaction was to say ‘no, thanks’?

1. Was it because I don’t like change, even to this small degree? This didn’t fit in with my usual response to change, which is open interest if not positive enthusiasm.

2. What about habit? This felt like part of the story and, after all, it did work fine. However, this still didn’t feel like the whole picture.

3. Then I thought about the fact that my mother taught me this approach to preparing the beans and by changing it I subconsciously was acting as though another link would be lost between my mother and me (my mother died just under five years’ ago).

Once I worked this out, I recognised that making this change is not a negative reflection on my love and appreciation of my mother. So I had a go at the proposed new approach and it was definitely easier and quicker! Now I have another warm link with my husband and no loss of true link with my mother.

What did I learn?
To remember that this might also impact others when suggestions are made about how things are done. The link may be to your justifiable pride of past efforts and/or to other people who were important to you. The practical results of this learning are:

When being asked to assist in developing strategy and plan to instigate change, I now include questions to elicit whether such attachments to the past might be there;
To keep alert of times when I say ‘no’ to a suggestion without much thought or only consider one option and take time to come up with other options so that I am selecting a route with greater choice;
Suggest the same approach to people I coach; and
Make such people aware of the change cycle, so that they are not thrown by their experiences .

Change Cycle
For many, change represents a threat to the established order of things. Long-standing routines are affected, beliefs about security challenged and many people feel out of control. As a consequence some may fight to maintain the old order, either internally, by denying or resisting the planned change on a psychological level, or externally by aggressive or disruptive behaviour.

When the individual believes (and perception is all there is) that either his/her safety or sense of identity is threatened s/he will experience anxiety and stress. This is true even when the person knows the change will be good for him/her.

Change is happening all the time. Some change is more significant than others and it is in these situations that I have found it useful to know about the typical stages people go through during a change process. Knowing them has helped me understand not only my own responses but also that of other people. In addition, based on this awareness, I have developed and implemented successful change and communication strategies.

Having stages seem to imply a smooth transition – however, normally:

• there are loops back to the previous stages;
• we are often at several different stages of various changes simultaneously; and
• we go through the stages, and the cycle as a whole, at varying rates and varying levels of intensity, depending on the nature of the change.

In essence every stage is about interaction within a person and between a person and the environment s/he is in.

STAGE	FEELINGS	THOUGHTS	BEHAVIOURS
Shock	stunned	dazed	immobilised
Denial	suppressing oddness (eg feeling weird)	diminishing the news unreality	simulating all is OK continuing as usual (eg soldiering on)
The Pits: - pain - anger, blame - confusion - isolation, depression	- grief - suppressing grief - angry - guilty - destabilise - despondent	- longing (for what had) - avoiding - blaming - disintegrating - hopeless	- replaying - distracting oneself - expressing anger - verbally and privately blaming - disordered/aimless - withdrawn,uninterested
Letting go	stabilising eg the wash of horror easing away	adjusting	settling eg I’ve got to deal with it
Testing the limits	aroused	addressing the situation	trying
Searching for meaning	reflective, sadness, hopeful	formulating eg greater understanding	reviewing
Integration	self-worth	resolving/ accepting	proceeding

Self support
The above table summarises the responses an individual typically goes through when most changes occurs. The following table suggests support that an individual can give to him/herself:

STAGE	STAFF SELF-SUPPORT
1. Shock	• Focus on specifics • Try to remember that your response is natural • If you turn something down automatically, think about what the reasons might be for you giving this response and whether they are still of benefit to you
2. Denial	• When trivialising change, or denying it, check reality • Explain to change agent/manager your needs/ wants
3. The Pits	• When angry or irritated, check your message has been understood • When frustrated, reassure yourself it’s OK, and do what’s needed within legal and organisation rules • When feeling guilty, or blaming someone else, check reality • When acting frenetically, slow down, breathe deeply and ask “what do I need right now?” • When despondent use your support mechanisms eg friends, family, leisure activities, sleeping
4. Letting Go	• Remember that moving on is normal and healthy and is not a sign that you do not care about other people who have been negatively affected by the change
5. Testing the Limits	• Make sure you continue using your support mechanisms • Ask for help when you need it
6. Searching for Meaning	• Take time to reflect on how you have responded to the changes so that you can gain a better understanding of yourself for the future • Ask for positive feedback if you need it
7. Integration	• Anchor the feeling of self-worth • Look to the future without negating the past

Keep this in mind when you are involved in change, whoever instigates it and however positive or otherwise you may perceive it initially.

Resources
If you are a regular viewer of UKHRD newsletter or you read The Training Journal you will know of Garry Platt. The following websites are ones he has highlighted:

http://www.squarewheels.com/articles2/change.html
http://www.squarewheels.com/content/teaching.html
http://www.squarewheels.com/articles2/spectatorsheep.html
http://www.squarewheels.com/scottswriting/managertrainer.html
http://www.squarewheels.com/scottswriting/change.html

All the above URL's relate to Dr Scott Simmerman's wonderful Square Wheelsweb site. Managing change is a principal area covered here, all the above links are worth the visit.

http://home.att.net/~nickols/change.htm

A change management 101 primer - a great site for getting the basics on managing change, covers all the essential issues and in some detail - an absolute must.

http://home.snafu.de/h.nauheimer/intro.htm

A fantastic web site, a veritable toolbox of ideas and techniques for
managing and leading the process of change. Any one involved in this area and looking for ideas will not be disappointed by a visit here.

You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.

Please ask any questions that the topic has raised, or share your thoughts and experiences with me, Helen Wade, at:

Monkswood Associates
Bankview, Shortwood, Nailsworth, Glos GL6 0RZ, UK
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk